by Nomad
As Donald Trump's press secretary, Sean Spicer's take-no-prisoners style came as a bit of a shock to reporters who had gotten used to the laid-back demeanor of Obama's Josh Earnest.
We got used to a lot of nice things in the Obama administration, like civility, well-presented facts and, more importantly, a lack of covert Russian involvement in US politics.
Alas, those good old days are gone.
Of course, in his position, Spicer is supposed to represent Trump and in that regard, he does succeed. Spicer's hyper-aggressive adversarial manner is an accurate reflection of his boss' distaste for journalism that refuses to flatter him and refuses to ask only nice questions.
I don't know what it is but there's something about Spicer's bully behavior that brings out my juvenile smarty-pants side. Admittedly it never takes very much.
So, to get that out of my system, I composed a list of eleven questions that I would enjoy asking Spicer if the White House would ever be insane enough to let me in the door.
1. Who told you that it was a good idea to open your first press conference by saying "Okay, which of you incompetent assholes wants to ask me something?"
2. Have you always been a jerk? Is it the effect of deep insecurity?
3. So, how much longer do you think you'll be able to hold onto this position? (Follow-up: Do you plan to resign or let Trump fire you?)
4.. Who cut your hair? Is it on purpose?
5. Is mocking laughter frowned upon in the White House briefing room or should we all just step outside?
7. Which offends you more: having been impersonated by a woman or by the fact that she could do it so well without changing her voice?
8. Did you just (dramatic pause) fart?
9. Do you often regret the path your life has taken? Why not?
10. Did Trump actually say any of this or are you making crap up again?
11. Is there any way you could speed things up? We've got real news to cover.
Any other questions you like to add?