Wednesday, April 1, 2015

Tomorrow's Headlines: Climate-Change Denying GOP House to Vote to Ban Law of Gravity

by Nomad

In honor of today's date, I present a sneak peek at tomorrow's headline. 

Later this month, the House of Representatives will be voting on controversial draft legislation which will deny the existence of gravity The Republican-led Congress expects little resistance to the proposed law in the upcoming vote.
The bill was sponsored by Rep. Jim Inhofe (R-OK), famous for his courageous stand on climate change.
In a press briefing on the Capitol steps, Inhofe said
"It's a win-win situation for the American tax-payers. For now on, we will not be held hostage by secular scientists. No offense, they were smart guys, but they are certainly not experts in Scripture. They shouldn't be able to go around trying to force their ideas on the rest of the nation. I still haven't seen any proof for the existence of gravity. After all, there's a reason why they call it a 'theory.' It makes about as much sense to me as the 'theory' of evolution."
According to the draft bill, from now on, all proposed federally-funded projects will be rejected automatically unless all participants sign an affidavit denying the existence of gravity "or any science supporting that theory."

In addition, any teaching of gravity in physics classes in all government-funded institutions will have to balanced with at two relevant readings from the Old Testament. Local school boards will be free to decide which passages instructors must recite.
The bill however recommends Ezekiel 33:6, Ecclesiastes 2:14 and Proverbs 27:12.

Is Gravity an Attack on Religious Freedom?
This legislation, like climate change denial, has been heavily lobbied by the Tea Party who claim promotion of the theory of gravity is an attack on religious freedom. 

Ohio-born Barb Aryan, founder of Gravity Rejecting Americans Standing Proud (GRASP) said
"For too long, President Obama and his minions have held the people down with this gravity nonsense. It's about time the Republican party put its foot down and said enough is enough."
She added:
"It's important to note that the Bible doesn't make even one mention of the word "gravity" and Jesus never offered an opinion on the matter. Not even once. I think that's pretty telling right there."
Modern work on gravitational theory began with the work of Galileo Galilei in the late 16th and early 17th centuries. The  views of the so-called "father of science," particularly on the idea fhat the Earth was not the center of the universe, conflicted with the Church dogma.
For his views, he was tortured and forced to recant his scientific discoveries. The Church declared that his ideas were "foolish and absurd" and heretical because they ran against Holy Scripture.

Liberal Media Conspiracy
In a press conference, Rep. Pete Sessions (R-Tex.) declared that
Gravity, like climate change and global warming, is a massive hoax perpetrated on the American people by the liberal media in order to make America less competitive. It's about time we put an end to this. 
There were, according to the GOP, other, more practical reasons for the bill. Speaking on Fox News  Rep Jeff Duncan- (R-SC) pointed out a few of the pluses.
Think of the implications that such forward thinking ideas like this will offer taxpayers. NASA's budget can be cut in half since rocket launches will be far cheaper without gravity. When it comes to the construction industry too, the sky's the limit. It's a game changer! "
According to the bill, Republicans also proposed that all graphs showing positive results from administration efforts on such things as health care reform, the unemployment figures, the economy and reduced government spending will  be displayed in Congress or in any public forum upside down
Rep. Duncan added:
With Republicans in charge, up is the new down. Gravity-denial is an idea this good could snowball.
The bill will then go to a Senate vote where it is expected to be approved. This week, Senate Majority Leader. Mitch McConnell sent a detailed letter to every governor in the United States laying out a carefully researched legal argument as to why states should not recognize gravity which he characterized as "Obama-inspired, job-destroying red tape."