Tomorrow's Headlines: Kentucky Group Petitions Town to Allow Stoning of Alleged Witch

by Nomad

I thought you might enjoy a break from the depressing news of the day with a little fun. Tomorrow's headlines is a regular spoofing of the news of the day. 

Honestly, though, parody stories like this just seem to write themselves. 

A group  of 250 townspeople in Twiddle, Kentucky, calling itself "God Sway," has petitioned the local town council for permission to stone to death a resident. 

Daniel H. Spofford, a spokesman for the 501(c) organization, claims that 65 year old widow - Lucretia Tobias- is a witch, a handmaiden to Satan. As of last weekend, more than half of the town's residents have signed the petition.

Spofford accused Tobias of performing various forms of magic and putting hexes on members of the neo-puritan group. Last week, Spofford claims, Tobias cast a spell on one local resident.

"That same week, all of his chickens died and his wife developed a nasty rash on her elbow. She was in a lot of pain too."

A leading member of the group told reporters (on condition of anonymity)

"Punishing the source of Satan's mischief has a long history in the US, going back before the nation was founded. It's part of our religious heritage."

A Report From the Borderlines: Where Tourists and Refugees Share an Island

by Nomad

The Greek island of Chios lies at the far east edge of Europe. Beyond that is Turkey and the rest of Asia and the Middle East. This island is also one of the corridors through which thousands of refugees and migrants are risking their lives in a bid for a new life in Europe.

The reaction to the viral- indeed iconic- photo of a dead child on the beach in Bodrum in Western Turkey has ignited a worldwide discussion about the plight of the refugees and migrants attempting to enter into Europe from the Middle East and North Africa. A collective conscience has apparently awoken from its slumber.

It's been a long time in coming. This sudden reaction to the death of one child seems a little hypocritical. Especially when refugee families and their children have been dying in the wine-dark sea for months now.

Although the struggles of refugees to cross into Europe has been going on for years now, the wave of illegal migration from Turkey really cranked up at the beginning of summer.

This tragedy didn't begin in Turkey, however. The roots go back years and a lot of children and families have suffered and have died without much notice.
Before this present crisis, it was Syrian children and entire families huddled in tents during the dead of winter on the border of Syria and Turkey. At that time, European leaders paid the minimal amount of lip service.
Before that, dead children at school being shelled by mortars in Damascus.
All of these children too were innocent casualties of a needlessly prolonged war.  

The Crossing

Last week I made a similar crossing from Turkey to Greece. Similar perhaps, but certainly not the same.  I came as a welcomed tourist with Euros in my pocket, not a desperate refugee in shabby clothes.  

Actually, every summer for the past few years, my Turkish friend, Inan and I have made the journey to the quiet relief of Chios. to escape the overcrowded, noisy and generally insufferable tourist "hotspots" back in Turkey.  

Headlines of the Future? President Trump Tweets German Chancellor Merkel is Smelly "Fat Pig"

by Nomad

Imagine this news story in 2017. 

In his first week at the White House, President Trump created a diplomatic firestorm after tweeting remarks about the Chancellor of Germany, Angela Merkel. 

His tweet, posted at 2 am last Friday, labeled Merkel a "fat pig." A follow-up comment a few minutes later claimed that Merkel "reeks of sauerkraut and bratwurst."

The US ambassador Ben Carson was summoned to the Palais Schaumburg in Bonn for an explanation. An unnamed German official close to Merkel said that the remark was both "disrespectful and highly damaging" to US-German relations. 

When confronted by the press this morning, President Trump was nonchalant about the incident, telling reporters that he was just letting off steam and there was nothing to apologize for. 

"We have a great working relationship. Merkel loves me. We joke all the time about her body odor problem. And let me say this. You'd never know it by that unhappy face of hers, but Angela actually has a great sense of humor. "

Secretary of State Sarah Palin dismissed the controversy, calling it another "lamestream media conspiracy" to "oblisterate" the "reputation of the leader of the most freest nation in the world."

After only 7 days in office, this incident comes fast on the heels of last Monday's remarks in which he called Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin "a scary peep-squeak" and a "closet fairy."  

In response, Putin has ordered the return of all of its diplomats and the closing of the Russian embassy in Washington until President Trump formally apologizes. 

The Radical Republican: When the GOP Championed the 14th Amendment

by Nomad

One idea that many people have a hard time wrapping their heads around is how the platforms of the two major political parties in America have dramatically shifted over the last 150 years. 

This historical fact is brought into sharper focus with the recent talk by Republican Donald Trump about the possibility of repealing the 14th Amendment and citizen birth rights provisions.

With the Party in Disarray and Denial, the GOP has Become America's Zombie Party

by Nomad

After 2012, the Republican National Committee performed an "autopsy" on what went wrong. So many good ideas were suggested. By the looks of things, nothing has changed. Following the skillful autopsy, the GOP patient has become a political zombie. 

In the grim weeks following the Republican disaster in 2012, many in the top echelons of the Republican Party called for a concise heart-searching about what exactly is wrong with the Grand Old Party. 

Priebus' Call for Soul-Searching

The first and the hardest part of any rehabilitation was admitting there was a problem. The time had come to make that initial step. Republican National Committee Chairman Reince Priebus told CNN's "Piers Morgan Tonight" at that time

"In order to get back in the game, you've got to look at and do a full autopsy of what happened."

Not a bad idea. Something had to be done to stop the decline. Denial was no longer an option.